


Being Alive

by liveinlivingcolor



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:48:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27403789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveinlivingcolor/pseuds/liveinlivingcolor
Summary: Just an enjoltaire one shot idea I had based on one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals, being alive from company.
Relationships: Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	Being Alive

No no no no no  
There is was again. That soaring feeling in his stomach that shocked him to his very core when his eyes locked with the other boy’s. Enjolras felt like he was flying when he met those hollow, empty eyes that seemed to reach straight through this facade and see his very soul. He had stopped speaking mid sentence when he met the other’s eyes, and after a long and rather awkward pause enjolras continued.   
“I...uh.....so...so near its stirring the blood in their veins.”  
The hesitation was not missed on the boy with the empty eyes, who smirked slightly into the rim of his bottle. Nor was it missed on courfeyrac who could be trusted to pick up on everything. Enjolras continued as if nothing had happen, after all, nothing had happened right? But no, something was happening to him. Enjolras would never admit this but it was something he wanted to happen again and again and again. He wanted to stare into those empty eyes for days on end. Whether he liked to admit it or not, the feeling was intoxicating. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, enjolras liked to feel seen. 

By the end of the night everyone in the room could tell that something about enjolras was off. Whether it had been the outburst he had when Marius spoke of his mystery girl, which was not entirely out of character, or how he had stopped talking and lost his train of thought mid expressive ranting, which was very out of character. As soon as the meeting was adjourned enjolras had ran straight out of the cafe and into the night, which was something else very unlike him. On a normal night enjolras was the last one out, and often stayed late to look over papers and locked up. But tonight did not appear to be a normal night. Something was up with their friend, and courfeyrac was determined to figure it out.

It was a less than comforting walk home, with darkness that seemingly swallowed him whole and a cold that chilled him to the bone. It hadn’t taken much time or deliberate thought for enjolras to realize that he was alone. Sure he had the Les Amis, but they saw him as more of a leader than a friend. And with the example of Marius and his new mystery girl brought front an center, he had never felt lonelier. The thought of this distraction in his friend’s life made enjolras irrationally angry. But deep down under the anger it was no secret that all enjolras wanted was someone for his own. He shuddered at these thoughts and quickly pushed them down. What good would a new distraction for him be when he had his life and his revolution ahead of him. 

“Enjolras,” called a voice from behind him, causing the boy to jump. Thoughts of criminals or national guardsmen filled enjolras’s head, but it was to his relief when he discovered it was only Courfeyrac who had called his name.   
“Enjolras I’ve been trying to call you,” said Courf sympathetically.  
“Why did you follow me home?” Said Enjolras in a cold dismissive tone. He didn’t want to shut Courfeyrac out when he had clearly come to help him, but Enjolras wasn’t entirely sure what was wrong with him yet.   
“Somethings off about you friend, you flipped out at Marius today and you seem so much more distant than usual.”   
“I’m fine,” said Enjolras, but the tears welling up in his eyes betrayed him. What was this? Showing emotions so outwardly like this was not in his character. What was going on?   
“Talk to me, you know you’re not alone my friend.”  
Courfeyrac was stepping closer and closer to him, and suddenly enjolras was feeling very scared.   
“STOP,” he shouted, instantly regretting it. There was no denying the tears filling his eyes anymore. “What do you get?”  
Courfeyrac understood immediately what he meant.   
“Why would I want someone to hold you too close, or hurt you too deep, or sit in your chair, or ruin your sleep?”  
“Is that all you think there is too it? Enjolras there’s so much more than that.”  
“Why though courfeyrac? I don’t need a distraction I’ve got a job I’ve got responsibilities I’ve got to rebuild France and save it and..and....”  
“I know you’re lonely. Enjy you’ve got so many reasons for not being with someone, but you haven’t got one good reason for being alone.”  
“Why do I want that thought? Someone to need you too much, someone to know you too well, someone to pull you up short, or put you through hell, or give you support for being alive.”   
“You’re afraid, that’s alright, but you can’t be afraid that it won’t be perfect, you should only be afraid that it won’t be.”  
“But I....I....”  
“Don't stop now...keep going!”  
“How will I know?”  
“Enjolras when you meet her I’m sure you’ll know.”  
There’s one thing Courfeyrac didn’t know though. Her. He had never giving any sort of thought to the matter, but he could work around it no longer. No matter how much enjolras cried and prayed and repressed and everything, he did not want a her. He wanted him. He wanted the boy with the empty eyes. But nobody could know that.   
“Or...have you already met her?”  
“I.....I don’t know. Courf I don’t want this, this can’t be happening to me.”  
“How do you know so much about it when you’ve never been there? It’s much better living it than looking at it.”  
Enjolras was clearly rattled to the core. Standing outside in an empty Paris street in the pouring rain, alone. He would go home alone as he always did. He was empty too. And no matter how empty he felt, he could never tell the other boy how crazy he made him. He was doomed to be forever empty.  
“I......I should go home....thank you my friend, I do appreciate your help.”  
“What is it that you want enjolras?”  
He was catching onto him. Enjolras was suddenly terrified. He quickly dismissed the question and ran home as quickly as he could. Home to his empty apartment. Where those empty eyes would fill his thoughts till the next day when he would be forced to face them again.   
What is it about grantaire?  
Why couldn’t he have just had these thoughts about a girl?   
But nobody else would ever make him feel like grantaire did, like he was flying. 

Somebody need me too much.   
Somebody know me too well  
Somebody pull me up short  
And put me through hell  
And give me support  
For being alive

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! This is my first fic on AO3 and if it get a lot of support I’ll consider writing more, maybe some full length stories!!❤️


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